One thing I observed when studying dating is that we really arent thought how to date. We also arent though what is a relationship l, what it means to be married etc. Its no wonder so many relationships fail. They simply don't know what they should be doing. One person is expecting one thing and another person thinks is something else and that aint going to.work. same thing with dating. How do you date? Thats bot an easy question to answer. Since nobody teaches you and are left for you to figure it out we stimble a lot.
Age plays a.huge factor too. Your wants and need change with age meaning that getting turned down in highschool seems like a big deal in highschool but as an older adult the reason given are silly and childish. People look for different things at different ages. Meaning dont give up because you were not the number 1 choice when young. That wqs a different time.
Dating on general is difficult. My evidence is that its a multi billion dollar industry. If it was easy there wouldnt be so many books, podcasts, coaching, apps etc etc.Of you are having a hard time in tue dating wolrd you arent alone. In fact you would be the norm.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Also, luck has to do with it. My wife has beennhanging out with 2 friends. My wife always get looked at and hot on. The 3nd girl also has no issues getting dates and is always in and out of new one although she isnt the norrm as she swings both ways. Now, the 3rd woman has very little luck. She has a hard time scoring a date and when she does the guys don't stay long. My guess is the way she dresses as in just nothibg to stand out. O dont hang out with her friends often but the few times that I have she seems very likeable. Very funny, very smart. Not the prettiest but not ugky either. On paper she should not have this hard a time. So we cant figure out what the deal is. Reminds me of some comedian that said some men have this thing where they attract every women while I have the antidote. So, some people simply dont attravt other people even though they arent ugly, bad mannered etc. Its just plays put that way.
I'm been married for 20 years now but there was a time when I had a very hard time dating. Long story short the issie was me but, I worked on it and now looking back it all makes sense and does.seem.cery silly. Anyways thats a storu for another day that is not part of your question. The thing is that you can only fail so many times before you give up. There was a time when I did just that. O got tired of being turned down or the vetu annoying getting a date only for them to cancel at the very last minute. There came a point when I said to myself ok I'm just burned to a crisp on this so I'm going tomtake a break all together. I'm not even going to try. Not only that I'm going to completely avoid the whole thing. And I did. Then agter I graduated college I moved to a different dtate so I said well, maybe its time to try again but this time I'm going to study the subject matter like I did in college. There I discovered of my issues and thats when things turned better. I met my wife and here we are. The thing too is that I'm stubborn about gettiny something so I'm often know to keep on going when everyone else already given up. Not on everything ofcourse but often. So I can see how people would completely give up on dating. I gave up for a while but becaue.O'm.stuborn I gave it another go. Anyone else wouldn't
